Grace for the Old You

There was a time when I couldn’t look back without cringing. When I thought about the choices I made, the people I hurt, and the mess I created, all I saw was regret. It felt like I had permanently stained my story, and no amount of growth or good intentions could erase it.

I knew God forgave me—I had read the verses, heard the sermons, and repeated the truth to myself—but deep down, I wasn’t sure I could forgive me.

Maybe you’ve felt that way too. Maybe you replay past mistakes like a broken record, convinced that even though God has wiped your slate clean, the marks are still visible. If so, I want to tell you something that took me a long time to understand: grace is for you, too.

God is Not Holding It Over You—So Why Are You?

I used to think that in order to truly prove my repentance, I had to carry the weight of my past like a scarlet letter. If I felt guilty enough, maybe it would show God (and others) that I had changed. But that’s not how grace works.

Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” God doesn’t just forgive—He removes. He doesn’t hold our past over our heads or ask us to keep proving we’ve changed. He sees us through the lens of Jesus, washed clean, redeemed, and restored.

So if God isn’t keeping a record of your wrongs, why are you?

You Are Not That Person Anymore

Throwback to Party Ashley, circa 2006—proof that God’s grace is real and redemption is a beautiful thing!

One of the hardest parts of self-forgiveness is realizing that the person you used to be is not who you are now. Yes, she made mistakes. Yes, she had issues. But she also learned. She grew. She encountered God in a way that changed her.

I think about the woman at the well—how she avoided people, ashamed of her past. And yet, one encounter with Jesus changed everything. She didn’t hide anymore. She ran back to town and told everyone, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did!” (John 4:29). Her story wasn’t a source of shame anymore—it became her testimony.

If Jesus could redeem her past, why wouldn’t He redeem yours?

Grace for Who You Were Means Grace for Who You Are Becoming

It’s easy to look back with judgment, thinking, I should have known better. But the truth is, you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. And even in the mess, God was working.

The person you were led to the person you are becoming. Every mistake, every moment of brokenness, every bad decision—it all brought you to a place where you could meet God in a real way. You can grieve your past mistakes, but don’t let them define you. Let them be a reminder of how far God has brought you.

Have Compassion for Who You Were

2010: The year of the mustache and masking my true self. I wasn’t living—I was just existing for others, barely putting effort into anything. Thank God for growth!

I still struggle with self-forgiveness, and I think a big part of that is because I don’t just regret what I did—I regret what I allowed. The situations I stayed in. The things I tolerated. The times I should have walked away but didn’t.

Maybe you feel that too. Maybe you carry guilt not just for your actions but for the ways you didn’t protect yourself, didn’t see the warning signs, didn’t believe you deserved better.

But let me ask you this—if you could sit down with the younger version of yourself, would you hold her to the same impossible standard you hold yourself to now? Would you tell her she was beyond grace? That she should have just known better?

Or would you look at her with compassion and say, You were hurting. You were doing the best you could with what you had. You didn’t know then what you know now.

God doesn’t just see what you did or what you allowed—He sees why. He sees the wounds, the fears, the longing to be loved, the lies you believed. And still, He calls you redeemed.

So maybe the real work isn’t just forgiving yourself, but learning to have compassion for who you were. To see her through God’s eyes. Because grace doesn’t just apply to the version of you that’s healed—it applies to the version of you that was still breaking.

A Challenge for You (and Me)

The next time shame whispers that you are still that broken, reckless, or unworthy version of yourself, I want you to stop and do three things:

1. Speak the truth. Say out loud, “I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am not who I used to be.”

2. Thank God for the growth. Instead of focusing on how far you have to go, recognize how far you’ve come.

3. Extend grace to yourself. The same grace you so freely give others? Offer it to yourself.

If God has set you free, don’t live like you’re still bound. The person you used to be may have been a mess, but she was never too messy for God to redeem.

And neither are you.