Relentless Pursuit

Ever feel like you’re too far gone for God to reach you? Like maybe, somewhere along the way, you slipped out of His hands, lost to the choices you made? I’ve been there. I never doubted that God existed, but for a long time, I didn’t truly know Him. At 13, during a youth camp, I invited God into my life, but I’m not sure if that moment sealed my salvation or just cracked the door open for what was coming.

I left that camp on fire, eager to tell the world about Jesus, but the excitement faded. My life from 13 to 31 didn’t look much different from anyone else’s. I “loved” God and went to church, but being in a church doesn’t make you a Christian—just like standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car. It took me 18 years to fully accept God’s love, and those years were filled with reckless choices, loneliness, and a desperation for acceptance.

Looking back over those 18 years, I see a pattern of reckless choices rooted in insecurity and a lack of self-worth. I got caught in cycles of toxic relationships, thinking that my worth depended on whether or not I was wanted. I lied to keep up appearances, even when it nearly cost me the closest relationships I had. I hit rock bottom, even praying for God to end my life because I truly believed my existence had no value.

When I got married at 29, I thought I’d finally found my fix—proof that I was lovable, that I mattered. But marriage didn’t heal me; it just exposed my wounds. I wasn’t ready for how deeply my issues ran. In the wreckage, my fantasy of being the perfect wife quickly unraveled as I faced my own selfishness, insecurity, and self-loathing.

But in the midst of the chaos, God intervened and saved my life. While we were in the process of buying our first home, we met a realtor, and I quickly connected with her. The search for a home took longer than expected, which allowed time for our relationship to blossom into a true friendship. She was an extraordinary, Godly woman who allowed God to use her to speak and pray life back into me.

Little did I know, there was also another person praying for me. My youth director from that camp had been challenged by her pastor to find “her one” to pray for—a person she would lift up faithfully until God’s timing was right. After 18 years of not seeing her or even so much as speaking to her, I learned that God had placed me on her heart to pray for. Two women—one from my past and one from my present—praying for my heart without even knowing each other. That’s how God works—unexpected, relentless, pursuing us even when we run away.

Jesus talks about the shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine sheep to find the one that’s wandered off. That was me. And God never stopped looking for me. He used every mistake, every painful moment, every prayer to guide me back to Him. It’s the reason Romans 8:28 has become my life verse—because even when I couldn’t see it, God was weaving every thread of my life together for good.

In Romans 8:28, Paul writes, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Those 18 years weren’t wasted; they were preparation. I thought I was chasing after love, acceptance, worth—but it turns out, God was chasing after me. His love isn’t based on how well I can hold on to Him; it’s based on His unchanging nature. He’s faithful, even when we are not.

So if you feel like you’re too far gone, let me tell you—you’re not. God is still chasing after you, just like He did for me. He is relentless in His pursuit, and when you turn around, you’ll see that He’s been there all along.